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Took a little break there..

Not on purpose.  Just happened.

Work has been good.  They have been pulling me out of the shoe dept. to work in children's which has been nice.  It's been busy with summer winding down and Labor Day.  I requested Halloween off. My supervisor said she is pretty sure I will get if off.

Sara is teething.  She has NEVER had an issue with teething. Till now I would just notice a new tooth and then think back and think "Yeah, I guess she was a little fussy".  This is a whole other thing though.  She is getting her 2 yr molars.  I guess these are the worst because they are so flat and don't come in as easily as the sharper ones.  She is like a facet you can't turn off with the drooling, she has the loose stools and my previously awesome eater and sleeper has been doing neither well as of late.  As I type she is sleeping...at 11 in the am!  She came to me at about 9 am and wanted to cuddle and an hour later...she was out.  My angel doesn't normally do that.  She is not a happy girl.  This REALLY makes me appreciate that I haven';t had to go through this every time!

Today is my little sister's birthday. 21st actually!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER PANTS!  I am sad that I am not with her to "show her the ropes"  LMAO!  But when she comes down in December it is on...unless I am pregnant.  Then it's on at the casinos for some gambling and I will be DD.

Still not pregnant.  5th month of trying. 5th month of Clomid.  Starting to worry...a TINY bit.  This month I am charting my basal temperature and checking other symptoms for ovulation, I won't get into that tmi.  I am also going to use ovulation predictors.  If I don't get pregnant this month, I am going back to the doctor.  Clomid is not recommended after the 6th month.  I am going to talk to my doctor about that and see what he suggests.  I am not super worried.  If we never have any children other then Sara, we are fine with that.  We can make peace with that.  I just need to know that we did everything.  Left no stone unturned.  If it turns out there is a problem that we can't fix or afford to fix (ie, needing IVF or the such)  then Sara will be one spoiled girl.  I am not someone who could adopt.  I just don't feel like I can love a child that is not my own, like my own.  I don't believe I am built that way.  And there is no way I am adopting a child without being ABSOLUTELY positive I could.  Jeff feels he could but respects that I could not.  I could however be a foster parent. We will see what the future holds.  We only want 1 more...just 1.

It's my monthly freak out time.

Yup, 3 days before AF is scheduled to show I am started to become a crazy baby wanting lady!  I have all kinds of symptoms of pregnancy that may or may not be real.  I hate it.  I just want this too be done!  It's almost a relief when AF shows because at least I go back to my normal self instead of a baby obsessed goon.

Having said that...I really do feel like this may be our month.  I do think I have several symptoms and though I am hesitant to say it, I feel pregnant.  But then you doubt yourself.  It doesn't help that I was 4 weeks late before a positive pregnancy test showed for Sara.  Hopefully this doesn't prove true for the next pregnancy.  I am just really anxious to finish our family, to have it complete and know this is my whole family and set goals together.

In other news, work is going well.  I love the hours I work.  I love that I don't really work with anyone.  I just go there, do my job and go home to my real life.  Some people I bet think I am lame because I have little ambition for a career, but I just don't.  Since I can remember I have just wanted to be a mommy.  That is the "job" I want to excel at and put my whole heart into.  A career would just get in the way.  I have my sad little job where I still get to be a mommy all day except for the last 2 hours. 

My sister is coming down in December and I am getting excited!  I love her like WOAH!  She is my sisterpants and need to have some sucka time.

November is the 49ers@Cardinals game.  Now that football season has started I am way more excited about that!!  A little trip for just Jeff and I=BLISS!

My daughter = GENIUS!! My husband = AWESOME!

My daughter is easily going to be smarter than Jeff and I both!  She catches on SO quick!! I swear in the last week she has been putting together sentences so good!!  For a couple months I have been able to have a conversation with her if I led it.  She now takes the conversation where SHE wants!!  Last night Jeff told Sara "Didn't Mama make you a good dinner?"  And she said "Thanks Mom it yummy!"  I nearly cried!  She also understands emotions.  She says "I happy" and smiles and "I sad" and makes a sad face.  She also tells me whether her dolls are happy or sad or mad.  She also says she is scared when she is scared.  She truly amazes me.  Just this morning she counts some puzzle pieces she was playing with.  She previously only counted to 2, this time she counted to 4!  She always tries REALLY hard to say her ABC's but normally succeeds in only saying "e e r..e e r"  LOL!  She tries though.  It's great to see some of the repetitive play/learning paying off!

Sara is also the typical girly girl!  She LOVES to play with her baby dolls.  She feeds, puts to sleep, rocks and plays with them.  She is such a little Mama!  I love it!  I really appreciate that Jeff lets her be that way without ever wanted to make her boy like.  Some men do that.  He was made to be a daddy to a little girl.  She plays dress up and daddy even helps her.

Jeff is so awesome.  I swear.  Of course he has his moments when I am like seriously?  (who doesn't?)  But overall he is just a great person and husband.  He has been waiting up for me every night when I get off work.  Even when he tells me before I go that he will be sleeping...he isn't.  I really love that he misses me and enjoys my presence enough to sacrifice sleep (I get off at 11 and Jeff has to get up at 3:30-4 am) 

I can now admit I was terrified that JUST maybe Jeff and I wouldn't have the patience/want, to give Sara the attention she deserves.  I have heard other people say that since they work they maybe don't make dinner/play with their children as much/have the patience.  I am happy to say this doesn't seem to be the case for us.  Jeff is truly a partner in that he does what needs to be done around the house, as I do, to keep the house running well for the 3 of us and allows us to enjoy our time together.  Also I am only working between 25-30 hrs a week so that helps!  I don't feel like Sara, Jeff or I have suffered at all by me starting work.  Of course I miss the nights with my family but most of the time I am only missing 2 hours with Sara. 

Also I kinda made a friend at work.  She has a 4 yr old daughter.  She seems nice and around my age so that is cool.

TTC- I am now positive I ovulated, hopefully the sperm goes where it needs to so we can complete our family and finalize our future plans.

It's been a CRAPPY week!

I haven't posted in a while because our A/C went out last Saturday night.  SUCK!!  It didn't get fixed till YESTERDAY!!  We had to spend a week in a hotel.  Not fun with a 2 yr old who is use to having her own space.  I don't like the way our landlord handled it.  For that reason and the fact that we are trying to save to buy a house we are looking to move to a cheaper place, preferably in Bullhead City, in January.

We have really been talking about the future lately.  We have decided to get serious about saving for a house.  We are planning to try to just make it with our 2 cars till we do that.  We had originally wanted to trade in our Cobalt and try to get a 4 door car or truck but my bestie recently gave us her car and we are going to fix that up and it's 4 doors.  We wanted to get something newer but, we figured we didn't want a bigger car payment than we already have when trying to buy a house. 

We are also *kinda* considering moving.  I know, anyone who knows us knows we go through this stage every once in a while and nothing happens.  And again, we may not move.  Jeff really wants to move up in his company and it isn't looking good for around here.  So we are considering maybe Phoenix.  I have always had mixed emotions about moving.  I am generally against it.  While I do think it would be exciting, nothing compares to being able to drive down the road to see most your family.  I really cherish how much time Sara gets to spend with her family.  I want her to grow up with her Grandparents and cousins and uncles.  Even though Phoenix is only 4 hrs away, it won't be as simple to just last minute decide to get together for a BBQ.  Who knows?  Jeff and I will figure it out.  I have full confidence in our family and what we can accomplish together.

On the TTC front, no A/C = no baby making :-(  I really hope I didn't ovulate this week.  I also screwed up on my Clomid so that is also a no go this month.  But Thursday I swear I felt some ovulation pain.  I never have noticed it before so I don't know for sure if that was it.  But we made sure to grab the opportunity as some would say.  Fingers crossed for a May baby!!!

Quick update!......that turned in a TOO long update.

Work is going great.  I am getting use to all the walking and feel like I am back in the flow of things.  It's weird seeing my Aunt at MY work though LOL!!  But it's cool. I think that working has actually been good for Jeff and I's relationship. It gives me a little more self worth. I feel like we enjoy our time together much more. I also feel like it makes me a better mother to Sara. I know it sounds strange. But I think that the time apart REALLY makes me make the time we have together fun filled and special. I really think she enjoys having her Daddy to her self to. That's something that is hard to do when I am always there. Now everyday they have there own time together.



Sara is doing great with the transition. Daddy is doing a great job with her.  I am so lucky to have such a clean husband!  I come home from work (which is generally from about 5:30 pm-11) he has made Sara dinner, bathe her, read to her and put her to bed AND the house, dinner mess, and dishes are all clean  He has made my transition to work incredibly smooth.  It means so much to me.  I truly got lucky!  And for those of you that are thinking "Well Jeff is a neat freak of course he would" let me add this, he has even been doing laundry AND folding it.  This is huge.  My husband has NEVER folded laundry.  He is spectacular in so ways but laundry has definitely been his krytonite.  But I was exhausted when I first started work so he stepped it up.

Jack was MIA for a day.  While Jeff was home the other night he had just gotten Sara to sleep and he let out Jack and off he went!  He just bolted!  Jeff didn't immediately go after him thinking he couldn't just leave Sara alone sleeping or not, just to go chase the dog.  Plus he normally will come back.  So he goes and gets the monitor and walks around as far as the monitor will let him.  Nothing.  I was at work for 3 more hours and currently we are a 1 car family so couldn't even wake Sara and take her to look for him.  So 3 hours later when I get home I go out and look, nothing.  So we went to bed thinking we will make a flyer in the morning.  The morning came, made a flyer.  All day nothing. No calls, no Jack.  I am seriously hoping someone did steal him just so that he isn't outside in the heat.  Finally around  7 that night someone called.  She had found him and taken him to a woman you runs a shelter out of her house...in Golden Valley.  So the next morning we drove over to get him and was so happy to see, but he was filthy.  Jeff has really taken it personally that Jack ran off.  He is concerned that Jack doesn't like it here and has been doting on him like crazy.  He is such a softy.

My nephew Elijah just turned 1!!  His party is this Sunday I can't wait to see him eat cake and open presents.  I love 1st birthdays.

We got our 49ers@Cardinals tickets for MNF in November the other day!!  I CAN NOT wait!  I love me some football.  I am also looking forward to spend a day and night with just my husband.  I love him so much.  Then the end of December my sister and nephew are coming out for a visit.  I miss them like crazy.

On the TTC front, had AF, started my Clomid yesterday, will be trying VERY hard to fornicate (LMAO) every other day.  I WANT to get pregnant this month.

No way Mom!

This is definitely Sara's new saying "No way Mom!"  LOL!  She is talking up a storm lately.  She tells us when she falls she will say "Mom I fall, owie!" She will talk to Jack she says "No Jack go!"  She HATES when you leave without her!  When she notices me getting my purse and keys she runs to the door yelling "Bye bye Mom, CAR!  Kia pool!  Papa!!"  Kia is Kennedy her cousin.  We go to see her and Papa most often so she always thinks we are going there.  Another cute thing she says is "Wait Daddy/Mommy WAIT!"  She does this when she doesn't like what you are going to do.   She also tells the cars on the road to wait LOL!!  She is so adorable and is learning so much!

Sara had a doctor appointment yesterday, her 2 yr check-up.  She HATES the doctor!  Ever since she had an ear infection she hates it.  When she had the ear infection they had to look in her ear and get some wax out and she now equates pain with the doctor.  She is now 30 lbs and 34 3/4 inches tall.  That makes her in the 75th percentile for her age.  She is super healthy.  Doctor said everything looks good. She got some shots, with no side effects.

Apparently I am a rock star at my job.  They think I am so great and keep asking if I have worked in retail before.  I haven't, but it's not rocket science!  It's pretty much common sense!  I don't like my department manager.  She is has no class and is rude and not in a charming way.  She is also one those people who makes a show of looking busy without doing anything at all.  This last thing drives me nuts!  I can't stand people who don't take pride in their work.  Even if it's a stupid job I still believe you should do your best.  Oh well, I will start swing shift today so I won't see her anymore.

Sara seems to be doing great with me working.  I think it's because she is still in her own home with her daddy.  Sara and Jeff are bonding more too.  She relies on him more for the day to day stuff which makes him feels special too.  I still think this will be good for them both.  As much as I miss Sara I do enjoy getting out there and doing something if that makes sense.  It's like I have another identity now besides just Mommy/Wife.  I am Cristy too!  I could do without it and just be happy with Mommy/Wife, but it is a nice side effect to something I had to do.

Happy 2nd birthday Sara Bear

Today is my daughter's 2nd birthday! I simply can not believe it has been two years. It really has flown by. It seemed like just yesterday she was so tiny and needed me for everything yet I can hardly imagine my independent and smart little girl like that anymore. She really is the sunshine in my life. She is the reason for every decision I make. She has given me the best and only promotion I have ever wanted.. MOMMY!

Sara had a blast at her party. She was so cute opening her gifts. She would completely unwrap the present before she would comment on it! LOL!! I think she loves everthing she got. Thanks to everyone who came! So now I leave you with a few pictures.

Wow. 2 years being a SAHM and I am a big whimp!

I. am. EXHAUSTED! I am dead tired. My job is going well. It's super easy. The people are nice. It's a job and least important thing in life that pays me $$! Sara misses me. Today when Jeff and Sara came to pick me up I still had 10 minutes left. She wanted a hug so I gave her one..and she wouldn't let go! It was so sad. I had to tell her mommy had to work. Jeff had to take her to look at the toys, poor girl. But I gotta feed her so this is what must be done.

Sara's party is in 2 days. We have been telling her for 2 weeks that her birthday is coming. She is finally getting it. We told her it was her birthday and that she was having a Dora party and a Dora cake. When you ask her about it she says "Dora cake!" LOL!

How is it I am excited one minute and having a panic attack the next?

Wal-Mart called me yesterday to inform me that I will have orientation Wednesday at 9 am.

I am super excited. I think about how I am helping to provide for my family, I will be able to help my husband qualify for a house loan easier, I will have a piece of my life that is only about me. The last part I really don't need because I find it in other smaller parts in my life, but this will be a bigger part and thus a positive.

The panic part comes in because,

1. Meeting new people
2. Fear of failure ie, not being good at my job.

I know Sara is in the best hands possible. I also think in some ways this is a good thing because Sara and Jeff will have time and experiences together they would not have if I were around. I think their bond will deepen and Sara will become more independent knowing that Mama can go away and everything is cool. It will also make her more dependant on Jeff, which as of right now she isn't. For some reason Mama is all knowing, is the only one that can do things right. She is getting a little too old for that.

Of course I would love to stay home with Sara. But this is what our family needs. I refuse to get help, welfare or compromise anything in our life simply to stay home with Sara. I can't set that example for her. Hopefully one day Jeff can get a better job and I can stay home again but if I can't? Well one day they will be in school, I can work day shift and be home for them in the afternoon. It will all work out. I have a ton of faith in my family. I know that we will always be ok because Jeff and I will make sure that happens.

On the TTC front. AF is due today. No sign yet. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

Ahhhh...relief.

So I am super lame and took a pregnancy test yesterday. Negative. I am still not due for AF (Aunt Flow) until tomorrow or the next day. So there is still hope for this cycle. Testing has given me a huge sense of relief from the obsessing. So at least there is that.

So Wal-Mart said they will be calling today for orientation. I hope I start soon things are tight for sure. I am pretty excited to start something new. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying home with Sara but it will be nice to go out and do something that is just about me. I will have stories to tell Jeff instead of just gossip! LOL!! Maybe I will make a few friends, who knows! I am very happy knowing that Sara will be home with Jeff. He is the most awesome dad I know. I know he will do good. Not to mention that I know my house will be as clean if not cleaner then when I left! Not many women can say that!

One more week until Sara's 2nd birthday! I am so excited! I am really hoping that all the kids I invited come. I think Sara will LOVE having all her little friends together! I have a really great idea for Dora decorations too. I am going to print out some pictures of Dora and characters and glue them to cardboard and out them on the wall. I think it will look cool!

I was pretty productive today. I switched ALL my pictures out of the frames and put in more recent ones. I also did some organizing. I am a good wife! Ok off to eat!

Obsession and the ABC's

So I am sadly getting VERY obsessed with the whole TTC thing. It definately consumed all my thinking yesterday. I have been reading about charting your temperature, ovulation tests, and some other pretty disgusting things to check for that I think may be a little bit tmi for here LOL! I really just feel like I have only this month and the next 2 to get preggo and then I may take a break, because after that will be a July due date in the week of Sara's birthday and I CAN NOT have that! I'd like to spoil my kids on their birthday and 2 in one month would be hard.

Yesterday and the day before I was exhausted. Especially yesterday. I am hoping that it's because I am already preggo but I also have a lot of jaw and neck pain that may not be letting be sleep well. I am due for AF on the 20th so I am trying to hold off till then to test. I am going to get some Dollar Tree tests baby! LOL! I heard they are decent. But I have a First Response one I will use if I get a faint positive.

Wow. I just went back and read all that and realized that yup, I am a loser and am obsessed with this. Hopefully the obsession will end soon with a beautiful positive pregnancy test!

In other news I hopefully start working Tuesday. This whole job process has taken forever but whatever. I hope I like my job.

Also my daughter is so on her way to learning the ABC's I tried to post a video but can't figure it out but in it I was singing them and damn if dshe wasn't trying hard and actually succeeding to say a couple of them! The video was super cute! I more week till her birthday party! I am really hoping all the kids I invited come. I think she would love that!

Damn wishful thinking...don't let me down!

I am becoming a bit obsessed with the thought of getting pregnant. I really feel like I need it this month! Every month that goes by makes me worry more that I won't have another baby. I know, 3 months is NOT that long to try. I know it can sometimes take a year but for some wierd reason I have always been afraid that I have fertility problems. My doctor reassured me that since I concieved Sara on my own that my chances are high. But, ugh , just let it be this month, PLEASE?

In Sara related news, she is really talking alot! She now says "Thank you" without being prompted (we are now working on you're welcome and excuse me). She can tell me what she wants for the most part. Which then leads to major frustration if I don't understand her. She LOVES to play with her dolls. She puts them to sleep, feeds them, loves them. She loves to put them all in the chairs around the dining room table and eat dinner with them. She insists that at least on doll eats with her and then sleeps with her. Also her toddler bed is going perfectly. I kinda knew it would but I swear, with Sara you never know what you're gonna get! Well it's been a week and she has had no trouble at all! She goes right to sleep and stay asleep and waits for you to come get her. It hasn't changed her sleeping pattern at all. Her naps are also the same. I kinda thought she would be ok because she is an awesome sleeper. I have never let her sleep with us past 4 months. I also did the cry it out method to get her to fall asleep on her own when she was 6 months. Naps took longer. I was still rocking her until a couple months ago. For some reason she just wouldn't do it during the day! All in all she is growing up to be a really fun little girl. If I was her age I would want to hang with her! She has some issues with sharing and we are working on that. She will share most anything except what is hers. She is very territorial! She will be 2 in 11 days. It seems like I just brought her home. I am so ready to make her a big sister.

1st post

Hi! This is my 2nd attempt at a blog. I am hoping this one will work out better. I am not a great blogger. I do enjoy reading blogs and feel they contain a ton of ideas, information and point of views that I don't have! I use explanation points too much. I am working on that.

I am attempting potty training again. The 1st time was a total fail. My expectations were too high. I got very stressed out and angry about the whole thing. We are trying again in a MUCH lower key. I figured this is not a race. She will get potty trained. I promise she will not be a kindergartner in a diaper.

I, in general put WAY too much pressure on myself to make sure Sara succeeds. I feel like some pressure is a good thing, some. I am constantly afraid that my daughter will be judged and I need to let that go. And I am. OK. I am working ON it.

My husband is pretty laid back about the whole thing. He doesn't let it stress him out (jerk.) I try to be this way too but then I to feel like he doesn't get it. That if Sara isn't as, or more advanced, smart, or polite than other children the blame doesn't fall on him. It will fall on me.

Another thing happening in our lives is I am going back to work. We needed me to get a job to help ends meet and I got one at Wal-Mart. I haven't started yet. I am a terrified. I am afraid that I won't be as good a mom. I will be working swing shift. So I will be with her all day but in what capacity? Exhausted? Impatient? No fun? Only time will tell.

I am just a little excited to go back to work. To be around people and have something to talk about with my husband besides our favorite subject (our child) will be great. I will also enjoy the feeling of controlling my own destiny again.

Oh and of course, TTC. We have been trying since April. My periods have been irregular since October 2009. The doctor gave me Provera to start them and last month I started it my own on the 30th day! Not bad. He also gave me something to help with ovulation. I am definitely hoping this is our month!! The doctor said if you've had one baby the chances are you can have another. But there is a little voice in the back of my mind that says, nope. Sara was a miracle. Be happy for what you have. And I am but, just one more please? I don't want an only child. But I will be happy with what I have.