No way Mom!

This is definitely Sara's new saying "No way Mom!"  LOL!  She is talking up a storm lately.  She tells us when she falls she will say "Mom I fall, owie!" She will talk to Jack she says "No Jack go!"  She HATES when you leave without her!  When she notices me getting my purse and keys she runs to the door yelling "Bye bye Mom, CAR!  Kia pool!  Papa!!"  Kia is Kennedy her cousin.  We go to see her and Papa most often so she always thinks we are going there.  Another cute thing she says is "Wait Daddy/Mommy WAIT!"  She does this when she doesn't like what you are going to do.   She also tells the cars on the road to wait LOL!!  She is so adorable and is learning so much!

Sara had a doctor appointment yesterday, her 2 yr check-up.  She HATES the doctor!  Ever since she had an ear infection she hates it.  When she had the ear infection they had to look in her ear and get some wax out and she now equates pain with the doctor.  She is now 30 lbs and 34 3/4 inches tall.  That makes her in the 75th percentile for her age.  She is super healthy.  Doctor said everything looks good. She got some shots, with no side effects.

Apparently I am a rock star at my job.  They think I am so great and keep asking if I have worked in retail before.  I haven't, but it's not rocket science!  It's pretty much common sense!  I don't like my department manager.  She is has no class and is rude and not in a charming way.  She is also one those people who makes a show of looking busy without doing anything at all.  This last thing drives me nuts!  I can't stand people who don't take pride in their work.  Even if it's a stupid job I still believe you should do your best.  Oh well, I will start swing shift today so I won't see her anymore.

Sara seems to be doing great with me working.  I think it's because she is still in her own home with her daddy.  Sara and Jeff are bonding more too.  She relies on him more for the day to day stuff which makes him feels special too.  I still think this will be good for them both.  As much as I miss Sara I do enjoy getting out there and doing something if that makes sense.  It's like I have another identity now besides just Mommy/Wife.  I am Cristy too!  I could do without it and just be happy with Mommy/Wife, but it is a nice side effect to something I had to do.

Happy 2nd birthday Sara Bear

Today is my daughter's 2nd birthday! I simply can not believe it has been two years. It really has flown by. It seemed like just yesterday she was so tiny and needed me for everything yet I can hardly imagine my independent and smart little girl like that anymore. She really is the sunshine in my life. She is the reason for every decision I make. She has given me the best and only promotion I have ever wanted.. MOMMY!

Sara had a blast at her party. She was so cute opening her gifts. She would completely unwrap the present before she would comment on it! LOL!! I think she loves everthing she got. Thanks to everyone who came! So now I leave you with a few pictures.

Wow. 2 years being a SAHM and I am a big whimp!

I. am. EXHAUSTED! I am dead tired. My job is going well. It's super easy. The people are nice. It's a job and least important thing in life that pays me $$! Sara misses me. Today when Jeff and Sara came to pick me up I still had 10 minutes left. She wanted a hug so I gave her one..and she wouldn't let go! It was so sad. I had to tell her mommy had to work. Jeff had to take her to look at the toys, poor girl. But I gotta feed her so this is what must be done.

Sara's party is in 2 days. We have been telling her for 2 weeks that her birthday is coming. She is finally getting it. We told her it was her birthday and that she was having a Dora party and a Dora cake. When you ask her about it she says "Dora cake!" LOL!

How is it I am excited one minute and having a panic attack the next?

Wal-Mart called me yesterday to inform me that I will have orientation Wednesday at 9 am.

I am super excited. I think about how I am helping to provide for my family, I will be able to help my husband qualify for a house loan easier, I will have a piece of my life that is only about me. The last part I really don't need because I find it in other smaller parts in my life, but this will be a bigger part and thus a positive.

The panic part comes in because,

1. Meeting new people
2. Fear of failure ie, not being good at my job.

I know Sara is in the best hands possible. I also think in some ways this is a good thing because Sara and Jeff will have time and experiences together they would not have if I were around. I think their bond will deepen and Sara will become more independent knowing that Mama can go away and everything is cool. It will also make her more dependant on Jeff, which as of right now she isn't. For some reason Mama is all knowing, is the only one that can do things right. She is getting a little too old for that.

Of course I would love to stay home with Sara. But this is what our family needs. I refuse to get help, welfare or compromise anything in our life simply to stay home with Sara. I can't set that example for her. Hopefully one day Jeff can get a better job and I can stay home again but if I can't? Well one day they will be in school, I can work day shift and be home for them in the afternoon. It will all work out. I have a ton of faith in my family. I know that we will always be ok because Jeff and I will make sure that happens.

On the TTC front. AF is due today. No sign yet. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

Ahhhh...relief.

So I am super lame and took a pregnancy test yesterday. Negative. I am still not due for AF (Aunt Flow) until tomorrow or the next day. So there is still hope for this cycle. Testing has given me a huge sense of relief from the obsessing. So at least there is that.

So Wal-Mart said they will be calling today for orientation. I hope I start soon things are tight for sure. I am pretty excited to start something new. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying home with Sara but it will be nice to go out and do something that is just about me. I will have stories to tell Jeff instead of just gossip! LOL!! Maybe I will make a few friends, who knows! I am very happy knowing that Sara will be home with Jeff. He is the most awesome dad I know. I know he will do good. Not to mention that I know my house will be as clean if not cleaner then when I left! Not many women can say that!

One more week until Sara's 2nd birthday! I am so excited! I am really hoping that all the kids I invited come. I think Sara will LOVE having all her little friends together! I have a really great idea for Dora decorations too. I am going to print out some pictures of Dora and characters and glue them to cardboard and out them on the wall. I think it will look cool!

I was pretty productive today. I switched ALL my pictures out of the frames and put in more recent ones. I also did some organizing. I am a good wife! Ok off to eat!

Obsession and the ABC's

So I am sadly getting VERY obsessed with the whole TTC thing. It definately consumed all my thinking yesterday. I have been reading about charting your temperature, ovulation tests, and some other pretty disgusting things to check for that I think may be a little bit tmi for here LOL! I really just feel like I have only this month and the next 2 to get preggo and then I may take a break, because after that will be a July due date in the week of Sara's birthday and I CAN NOT have that! I'd like to spoil my kids on their birthday and 2 in one month would be hard.

Yesterday and the day before I was exhausted. Especially yesterday. I am hoping that it's because I am already preggo but I also have a lot of jaw and neck pain that may not be letting be sleep well. I am due for AF on the 20th so I am trying to hold off till then to test. I am going to get some Dollar Tree tests baby! LOL! I heard they are decent. But I have a First Response one I will use if I get a faint positive.

Wow. I just went back and read all that and realized that yup, I am a loser and am obsessed with this. Hopefully the obsession will end soon with a beautiful positive pregnancy test!

In other news I hopefully start working Tuesday. This whole job process has taken forever but whatever. I hope I like my job.

Also my daughter is so on her way to learning the ABC's I tried to post a video but can't figure it out but in it I was singing them and damn if dshe wasn't trying hard and actually succeeding to say a couple of them! The video was super cute! I more week till her birthday party! I am really hoping all the kids I invited come. I think she would love that!

Damn wishful thinking...don't let me down!

I am becoming a bit obsessed with the thought of getting pregnant. I really feel like I need it this month! Every month that goes by makes me worry more that I won't have another baby. I know, 3 months is NOT that long to try. I know it can sometimes take a year but for some wierd reason I have always been afraid that I have fertility problems. My doctor reassured me that since I concieved Sara on my own that my chances are high. But, ugh , just let it be this month, PLEASE?

In Sara related news, she is really talking alot! She now says "Thank you" without being prompted (we are now working on you're welcome and excuse me). She can tell me what she wants for the most part. Which then leads to major frustration if I don't understand her. She LOVES to play with her dolls. She puts them to sleep, feeds them, loves them. She loves to put them all in the chairs around the dining room table and eat dinner with them. She insists that at least on doll eats with her and then sleeps with her. Also her toddler bed is going perfectly. I kinda knew it would but I swear, with Sara you never know what you're gonna get! Well it's been a week and she has had no trouble at all! She goes right to sleep and stay asleep and waits for you to come get her. It hasn't changed her sleeping pattern at all. Her naps are also the same. I kinda thought she would be ok because she is an awesome sleeper. I have never let her sleep with us past 4 months. I also did the cry it out method to get her to fall asleep on her own when she was 6 months. Naps took longer. I was still rocking her until a couple months ago. For some reason she just wouldn't do it during the day! All in all she is growing up to be a really fun little girl. If I was her age I would want to hang with her! She has some issues with sharing and we are working on that. She will share most anything except what is hers. She is very territorial! She will be 2 in 11 days. It seems like I just brought her home. I am so ready to make her a big sister.

1st post

Hi! This is my 2nd attempt at a blog. I am hoping this one will work out better. I am not a great blogger. I do enjoy reading blogs and feel they contain a ton of ideas, information and point of views that I don't have! I use explanation points too much. I am working on that.

I am attempting potty training again. The 1st time was a total fail. My expectations were too high. I got very stressed out and angry about the whole thing. We are trying again in a MUCH lower key. I figured this is not a race. She will get potty trained. I promise she will not be a kindergartner in a diaper.

I, in general put WAY too much pressure on myself to make sure Sara succeeds. I feel like some pressure is a good thing, some. I am constantly afraid that my daughter will be judged and I need to let that go. And I am. OK. I am working ON it.

My husband is pretty laid back about the whole thing. He doesn't let it stress him out (jerk.) I try to be this way too but then I to feel like he doesn't get it. That if Sara isn't as, or more advanced, smart, or polite than other children the blame doesn't fall on him. It will fall on me.

Another thing happening in our lives is I am going back to work. We needed me to get a job to help ends meet and I got one at Wal-Mart. I haven't started yet. I am a terrified. I am afraid that I won't be as good a mom. I will be working swing shift. So I will be with her all day but in what capacity? Exhausted? Impatient? No fun? Only time will tell.

I am just a little excited to go back to work. To be around people and have something to talk about with my husband besides our favorite subject (our child) will be great. I will also enjoy the feeling of controlling my own destiny again.

Oh and of course, TTC. We have been trying since April. My periods have been irregular since October 2009. The doctor gave me Provera to start them and last month I started it my own on the 30th day! Not bad. He also gave me something to help with ovulation. I am definitely hoping this is our month!! The doctor said if you've had one baby the chances are you can have another. But there is a little voice in the back of my mind that says, nope. Sara was a miracle. Be happy for what you have. And I am but, just one more please? I don't want an only child. But I will be happy with what I have.