Monday, July 12, 2010

1st post

Hi! This is my 2nd attempt at a blog. I am hoping this one will work out better. I am not a great blogger. I do enjoy reading blogs and feel they contain a ton of ideas, information and point of views that I don't have! I use explanation points too much. I am working on that.

I am attempting potty training again. The 1st time was a total fail. My expectations were too high. I got very stressed out and angry about the whole thing. We are trying again in a MUCH lower key. I figured this is not a race. She will get potty trained. I promise she will not be a kindergartner in a diaper.

I, in general put WAY too much pressure on myself to make sure Sara succeeds. I feel like some pressure is a good thing, some. I am constantly afraid that my daughter will be judged and I need to let that go. And I am. OK. I am working ON it.

My husband is pretty laid back about the whole thing. He doesn't let it stress him out (jerk.) I try to be this way too but then I to feel like he doesn't get it. That if Sara isn't as, or more advanced, smart, or polite than other children the blame doesn't fall on him. It will fall on me.

Another thing happening in our lives is I am going back to work. We needed me to get a job to help ends meet and I got one at Wal-Mart. I haven't started yet. I am a terrified. I am afraid that I won't be as good a mom. I will be working swing shift. So I will be with her all day but in what capacity? Exhausted? Impatient? No fun? Only time will tell.

I am just a little excited to go back to work. To be around people and have something to talk about with my husband besides our favorite subject (our child) will be great. I will also enjoy the feeling of controlling my own destiny again.

Oh and of course, TTC. We have been trying since April. My periods have been irregular since October 2009. The doctor gave me Provera to start them and last month I started it my own on the 30th day! Not bad. He also gave me something to help with ovulation. I am definitely hoping this is our month!! The doctor said if you've had one baby the chances are you can have another. But there is a little voice in the back of my mind that says, nope. Sara was a miracle. Be happy for what you have. And I am but, just one more please? I don't want an only child. But I will be happy with what I have.

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